Faces East

[kimmers4t]

My story is similar to many I've been reading. I married in the temple about 15 years ago. I have three children. My DH started to lose his testimony about 10 years ago. This was quiet a shock to me then as both my spouse and I come from big Mormon families. I really wish I'd had someone to talk to when this first came out. I've been hurt, depressed, anxious, angry and many other emotions over this issue (when I am actually forced to deal with it). Currently, I am just trying to understand why my intelligent and wonderful DH changed his mind. He's an absolutely wonderful person. He volunteers his time as a police officer (20hrs monthly) and works a regular full time job in addition to that. He cooks wonderful meals quiet often even though I'm a full time mother and have been for years.

[pinkpatent]

Welcome to Faces East. I think you will find that most of our disaffected spouses are educated, thoughtful people. They did not make these decisions on a whim, but after agonizing study, contemplation and prayer.

I hope we can be a support to you, and that we can learn from you since you have been dealing with this for alot longer than some of us.
_________________
My candle burns at both ends;
It will not last the night;
But ah, my foes, and oh, my friends-
It gives a lovely light!

Edna St. Vincent Millay

[cojo]

Welcome. Most of the time, you can't understand why they changed their minds. The intellectuals are usually the ones who have this change of heart. Try not to focus on why he believes the way he does and go forward with meshing your lives and living cohesively.
_________________
When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

[prairie chuck]

Welcome. It's hard to understand how someone could leave the church of their youth. Yes, there is a lot of thought that goes into it, our spouses are not stupid or deluded. And (at least for those I know) it's not an easy decision, they really worry about it, agonize, study out.

But I think we all know that the intellectual or thinking part of us is not the only thing to consider. In fact, I really like this sonnet by George Santayana:

O world, thou choosest not the better part!
It is not wisdom to be only wise,
And on the inward vision close the eyes,
But it is wisdom to believe the heart.
Columbus found a world, and had no chart,
Save one that faith deciphered in the skies;
To trust the soul's invincible surmise
Was all his science and his only art.
Our knowledge is a torch of smoky pine
That lights the pathway but one step ahead
Across a void of mystery and dread.
Bid, then, the tender light of faith to shine
By which alone the mortal heart is led
Unto the thinking of the thought divine.

As for your feelings--they are all normal. Even when we think we have it all settled and under control someone throws us a curve ball and the whole cycle of emotions starts all over. Did you read the sticky thread about the stages of grief? I've found it very helpful to re-read it when I find myself in another cycle.

I hope we can be a help here. Our board is a little slow-paced, but I think you'll get a broad range of views and support.
_________________
"I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on." - Beryl Pfizer

[domesticgoddess]

Welcome!

[Heartbeat]

Welcome kimmers4t. I wish I had a nugget of knowledge beyond what PC, PP, and Cojo have already said, but my thoughts are right there with them. I hope you will feel free to jump in on conversations with us, and share your experiences. This is a safe sight, and more than a few of us have worked through our emotions in posting.