Faces East

[trill]

Hello, all

I have been following StayLDS for a while and thought that perhaps I should drop in on this community as well.

In a nutshell, I am born and raised LDS and am in my last year at BYU. Faith and spirituality are very important to me, although I feel quite ambivalent in regards to the LDS faith at the moment. My boyfriend, Silas, is also born and raised LDS and graduated from BYU. He became disaffected when he was 19, before turning his papers in to serve a mission. Silas self describes as a "skeptical agnostic maltheist" who would very much like to be apatheistic. We have been together about two years.

I am hoping that by poking around Faces East a bit I might get a taste of what the varieties of interfaith relationships look like. What have you used to draw closer together despite what may seem at times like unbridgeable gaps? I feel that in my current relationship, what we find troubling is less the difference in faith and more that one of us values faith much more than the other. Also, Silas tends to take a much more black and white view, "it's either true or nonsense." On the other hand, I find myself less concerned with whether any given religion teaches verifiable truths or not, and more with the role it may play in my life how I relate to it's teachings and/or community.

I look forward to meeting y'all.

-trill

[prairie chuck]

Welcome, Trill. I enjoyed your other posts on the Support board--very thoughtful. StayLDS is a great site, I'm glad it brought you to us. I think interfaith marriages do require a little gray thinking. That sometimes bugs people on both sides of the spectrum. It really is much easier when the lines are clearly drawn.

BTW, is that "Trill" from Star Trek TNG?
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"I write down everything I want to remember. That way, instead of spending a lot of time trying to remember what it is I wrote down, I spend the time looking for the paper I wrote it down on." - Beryl Pfizer

[cojo]

welcome
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When you saw only one set of footprints, it was then that I carried you.

[RuthandI]

Welcome Trill! I had to get out the dictionary for your intro...maltheist and apatheist are new terms for me! Thanks for broadening my vocabulary! I look forward to more posts from you and hearing what you choose as far as marriage goes.
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RuthandI

[RuthandI]

Trill, I just finished reading your post/thread on StayLDS about interfaith families. I didn't respond there (I find posting there a little intimidating) but I just wanted to say that it is also my BIGGEST beef with the church. You're initial post was so thorough, so expertly stated that upon finishing it I felt both seethingly mad and exhilaratingly liberated to have my thoughts so perfectly put to cyberspace. You put all my thoughts on this subject in perfect context and order! Just wanted to say that! Thanks for you post.
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RuthandI

[tiffrose]

I am sorry, this is probably not the proper response. If you get too offended then you can chock it off to that I am still unresolved with this issue in my marriage.
This sight is Devoted to the ideal of eternal marriage, and you are not even making that an option.

Why would anyone choose this heart break? If you still think this church is true after everything he has said, and the spirit he brings into your life then that is a miracle, count your blessings. But if you believe, then
How are you going to feel when your vows says "till death do uspart."?
I have a friend who married a non-member and she says her wedding day was the worst day of her life, she cried. Yet is it exactly what she had chosen, the actual experience can change how you feel about things.

I know that no one can know exactly how they will feel about their children untill they have them, but
How are you going to feel when your innate desire, and natural right to teach them all that is good in side you and in the world is challenged and suppressed by anti-LDS literature, and Satan's deception that "there is no God".

He is just your boyfriend and he is already challenging your faith, and belief in God, breaking you down little by little. How many more years of this can you take, and what effect will it have on your children?

Kids do not naturally seek out 3 hours of church. So,
what are you going to do when your toddler or teen, does not want to go to church? and you are not allowed to coerce or force them to learn about God, prayer, repentance, temples.

Even if he says things to make you happy now/ say what you want to hear so you'll marry him. That does not mean that agreement will be followed.

Right now you are in love, and see everything that could be with perfect optimism. But those rose colored glasses are still letting you see there are problems. Also, those rose colored glasses will lose their tint, then you will be left saying "I wish I had seen this coming"

If the problem is that you do not feel worthy of a temple worthy husband, then do what elder Scott says in all of his talks, Let the love Of God back into you. Because God does love you. Go see the bishop and repent if that is what is needed, go to counseling so you can learn to feel better about your self, get your life straightened out, and stop inviting Satan to tempt you.

there is always time to better your future unless you make a big choice to damn it to hell.

[trill]

Hi Tiff,

I looked for your intro post so that I could try and fashion a response that would be sensitive to your particular situation. I didn't find one, but if there is a location where you've relayed your story, I would be happy to read it.

I can feel your pain through your posting here in this thread. I am sorry if my thoughts had the effect of pouring salt in open wounds.

Silas and I dated for three years. During that time never did he seek to challenge my faith or offer anti-LDS literature. I do not believe that his atheism is inspired by Satan.

That's all that I feel it would be appropriate to say just now.

[trill]

I decided to come back and formulate a more lengthy response here. I hope that such can be useful.

First off, apparently I never replied to everyone's welcomings. I'm not sure how that happened, but thank you everyone! ::waves::

Prarie Chuck- I chose the name Trill for two reasons. When I posted the OP, I was feeling very ambivalent and my emotions and thoughts felt as if they were constantly and consistently fluctuating between two extremes. I thought of my emotional/intellectual state as very similar to a musical trill--quickly moving back and forth between two notes. The second reason related to my attempts to learn Spanish, particularly my work to learn Spanish while living in Nicaragua. At the time of the OP I had been back from Nica for about 6 months and my time there was on my mind quite a lot. Previous to Nicaragua, I had just assumed that it was impossible for me to learn how to trill the double r when speaking Spanish. Sometimes, folks will tell you that there's a genetic blip that makes it so some can't correctly pronounce the "rr." It's not true. In reality, nearly anyone can learn how to with focused practice and speaking a whole lot of Spanish. I still can't pronounce the "rr" perfectly every time I come across it, but I've gotten a whole lot better. I found while I was in Nicaragua that wandering the streets repeating "ta-dee-va" over and over to practice loosening my tongue and focusing on the technique that occasionally I could finally start, occasionally, to trill (something that most people can just do!) Particularly, I found that every once in a while, when I was reading Clifford, "el perro rojo," to children at the school where I was working that my tongue would freely trill and I'd be pronouncing the words correctly! I could never quite tell what I was doing differently, and I still couldn't always pronounce words like "perro" and "guerra" correctly, but my ability was improving! Anyhow... that's a really long explanation. So, I chose trill because it represented how I was feeling at the time: ambivalent, determined and hopeful that with time and work life could start to come more naturally (like when I'd read Clifford and trill the rr without thinking.) I chose the handle "Trill" specifically for my postings on the FacesEast and StayLDS forums. So, it represented my feelings towards life in general and religion in particular, not just in regards to my inter-faith queries.

cojo- thank you for the welcome! I appreciated the welcome at the time (especially since I had posted on one of your threads and was maybe a little nervous about that.) Again, not sure why I didn't reply at the time. I definitely recall specifically appreciating everyone's welcomes.

RuthandI- I'm glad that you've gone on to post at StayLDS, it'a lovely community. Also, I'm not sure how to express my appreciation for your comments in regards to my Interfaith thread over there. It took me aback to realize that my words could affect another in the way you describe. Thank you for letting me know. It helps me to feel more confident in writing to these boards. Thank you.

Tiffrose- You have not offended me. I will try to set aside some time to go through and respond to your post more specifically, if you would like that. I just checked the time and right now I need to run to campus. I hope that you will continue posting here at FacesEast. FE is a wonderful community and I trust that amongst the men and women here you can find people who will be able to relate to your joys and heartaches.

[tiffrose]

I posted my introduction under support, under the castle/cottage analogy. I'm sorry, and I am glad he does not push anything on you. But I read something you posted under what did you do this Sunday, and you said you two talked about religion, and you went to church to get some space from him. I guess I read too much into that. Sorry. but do choose wisely what you want in your life.

[trill]

Hi Tiffrose-

I'll check out your intro over there. I went back to read the posting you referred to under the "How was church today" thread on the Support board. I then checked my journal to put my comments in context. The week around July 27th was a very difficult one for Silas and myself. I was very stressed at the time and pushing Silas away/pecking at him a lot, including pecking at his lack of interest in spirituality. I was also very frustrated with the church at the time. The conversation I refer to in the July 27th posting was more heartbreaking than angry.

Going to church wasn't to get space from him. I've committed to attending church once a month, in part so I don't lose my ecclesiastical endorsement at BYU. It was the end of the month and I hadn't attended yet so I had to go to church that Sunday. Technically I am supposed to attend all three hours, but I didn't think that I could emotionally handle 3 hours of church that day. The time I spent with friends was unrelated to my time spent at church. I wanted time by myself and with friends so that I could try and sort through the complex emotions and thoughts that Silas's and my conversation had given rise to.

is that any clearer, or did I just muddy the waters more?

[tiffrose]

Actually heart breaking is the word I used too.

I also re read what I wrote and my meaning can come out really different than I meant. I did not moan to say that you or dh would go to hell, just that life might feel like that with the heart breaking experiences.

[trill]

Tiffrose- I appreciate the clarification in regards to hell

[tiffrose]

I really messed this up and am new to this whole chat room thing entirely, now I have learned to keep quiet, until you learn the ropes, and see what others have said.
That being said I found a thread that perfectly fits you and your situation and it is much more mature, and eloquent than what I wrote!!

It is under introduction and called-
So I guess this is my crossroads....
by ajsobrio.

It is really Great and I think the posts can help you sort things out, evaluate your priorities, or weigh your options.

Good luck, and welcome to the group!

[Rosie the Riveter]

Welcome trill! I love your name!

For what it's worth, I echo tiffrose. Be careful what you choose.

I wish I hadn't ignored the red flags I saw before we got married. Now, I have been going through hell because of choices made years ago.

Please listen to the inspiration you receive for your own life.
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If you're not in over your head, how do you know how tall you are? T.S. Eliot